I think that the first step should be to take stock of your life. ask yourself this question.Who am I in relation to the world and how to I relate others. It would be easier to change your mindset than past events.

May I suggest that you talk to friends and associates and get feed back on how they see you. your life is a window that people peep through and formulate opinions and views based on perceptions. Some times just talking to those that we trust can open door ways. Remember that you hold yourself hostage to the past and integrating and going forward is the forward.

Please look seriously into speaking to a professional whether they're in private practice, offer reduced rates or work for government facilities.

Speaking to friends IS part of your support structure but they often feel sympathetic and helpless to help in the long-term.

Long-term progress in your case would likely need professional therapy.

Bless you in your personal journey. Your desire to help yourself is a marvellous model for your children to follow.