Andre,

Before anything else I have to make it clear that I am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist; my words are not qualified. My words find their value in the living experience, the living of a daughter whose mother has schizophrenia.

Know that I hear you. In no sense am I belittling your experience, minimizing the difficulty that both of you are experiencing. It is important that you understand this. What I want to say may seem that I do not trust what you have observed. You are the one that knows your wife better than anyone else but it is a professional that will need to make a proper/final diagnosis.

Again, know that I hear you when you say that she does not understand that she is in need of professional help. This is a devastating detail of mental illness, for her as well as you. Devastating in that it makes it extremely difficult in seeking the needed treatment, which can lead to further deterioration. It is a detail that will not be understood in its entirety by family and friends. Do not forget this. It is not your lack of ‘trying’ – it just is what it is; you cannot reason with her. It is not that she does not trust your opinion or reasoning – she cannot. It is of an irony that the sufferer is fighting against a life that will, eventually, ease the anguish and grief.

And so, to not disregard the difficulty of treatment compliance, it is of the greatest importance that your wife sees a mental health care practitioner for an evaluation. The process of evaluation will include ruling out any other medical conditions such as seizure disorders, thyroid dysfunction etc. Schizophrenia seems to be the trade name for psychosis…there are many other disorders that show similar symptoms. Bipolar disorder or major depression, or a combination of both with psychotic symptoms (schizoaffective disorder) among others should also be considered/ruled out. The criterion for making any diagnosis is strict and detailed.

Your wife refusing treatment does not mean that you cannot consult a professional – you need to. You will need support and guidance.

Take courage. My thoughts are with you.

Michelle

Andre,

You have asked whether or not to discuss your concerns with your wife – how can you not, I have to wonder. Perhaps, for now, the question should not be what is ‘wrong’ with your wife but what is it that exists between the two of you that cannot be discussed without anger…Through my own marriage I have learnt that there is a difference.

I have to wonder, you say you have been married for 7 months and that it is in the last five months that you have noticed the change in your wife – how long have you known her, that is, before you were married? And another question – which will be asked if you seek professional help – you mention her appearance, from her posture to her speech; how have these changed? These are of the most fundamental human attributes and a change in these, even in the slightest, can suggest an altered state of being – but…not necessarily a pathological one.

Perhaps there is someone that can give you an answer about how to discuss the issue with your wife without her reacting in anger, but I do doubt it. We cannot control another’s reaction – even with lines inspired by sincerity, rehearsed to perfection and spoken with the purest love…we do not control the reaction to our spoken words.

Kind regards

Michelle